First of all, I finally got my lab results!! Everything looked fine except I have a Vitamin D deficiency. So, I got a prescription for a supplement and we’ll see how that goes. Hopefully it’ll fix things, but I’m not holding my breath. We’ll see. I’m going to weigh in the morning. Also, AF finally arrived, and she’s just about gone. Am I being spared the month long torture I’ve been going through?

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mariam’s birthday is coming up, in one month exactly. You might think that it’s just the one day that I might be down, but it’s not. It’s like a two week event that happens each year… or longer. I start to feel sad in August (yes, that’s now) and don’t feel better until late September.

I don’t just feel sad on her birthday. I wish I did.

I felt her move for the last time on September 2. She died on September 3. I was induced on September 8. She was stillborn on September 10. Finally, she was buried on September 15. That’s two full weeks of hell. It’ll never be just one day. Every year, I relive that two week period. I think about what happened on each day, what I did each day. Picking out a name, writing an obituary, things no parent should ever have to do.

I wish it were just one day, but it’s not.