When we got to about Chatanooga (?) we had to go up this mountain. The higher we got, the more sick Aaron got. FIL/MIL decided to stop at the top of the mountain to get McDonald’s for lunch (blah, I hate McDonalds!) As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, Aaron was throwing up. We got him all cleaned up, ate lunch and got back on the road. Someone made a wrong turn somewhere around Atlanta and put another hour onto our driving time. Not too long after that, the kids were getting restless. FIL brought an adapter to hook the laptop into the cigarette lighter so the kids could watch dvds. He gave that to me and I plugged it in. Not long after that, both the laptop and the Garmin died (from lack of power.) Turned out a fuse had blown. FIL still can’t get his Garmin to work right again, though.

We got lost somewhere around Savannah and pulled into Ft. Mcallister about 2 hours or so behind schedule. We got a really cute cottage there and was relieved to finally be out of the car. I was really impressed with how well the kids did on the ride down there. We ordered a pizza for dinner then crashed. The next morning, we woke up in time to see the sunrise over the marsh, behind palmettos and spanish moss. It was beautiful. We did a little shopping later that morning at the Savannah Mall. I picked up some dum-dums in a candy shop to keep the kids busy. That afternoon, we went to the wedding rehearsal at Bamboo Farm & Coastal Gardens in Savannah. It’s a very beautiful place! I was getting some pictures of the kids and had Aaron stand by a statue. As soon as I took the picture, he started crying and we saw all these wasps around him. He was stung multiple times and was crying quite a bit. We waited a bit and looked like he was going to be fine, so we took off to the Bride’s parents’ house for the rehearsal dinner. On the way there, Aaron started acting funny. He was twitching and all of a sudden, his eyes closed and he went limp. I panicked!! All these horrible things were going through my head. He has never been stung before, and even though he wasn’t swelling up I was scared he was having a reaction. Mike was in the back seat with him and got him woke up and he was fine, but it was very scary! I guess he was having a reaction to the benadryl instead of the wasp stings.

The next day was the wedding, which was very nice, and so was the reception. It was catered by Sticky Fingers. If you ever get a chance to eat there, do it!! OMG, that was some yummy food. I love Southern food! Except Low Country Boil, I decided I didn’t like that. Then Sunday morning, we got up early and finally headed to Savannah. We went through Historic Savannah which was gorgeous!! I loved it, wish I could have taken a tour. After we left there, we went to Tybee Island. It was pretty cold, and I didn’t bring a change of clothes, so I stayed what I thought was a safe distance back on the beach. I took lots of pictures and videos. All of a sudden, out of nowhere I felt my butt wet and realized quickly that I was not far enough on the beach. I stood up really fast, threw the in-laws bags and cameras as far up the beach as I could, and then mine. Their electronics were okay. Mine weren’t so lucky. My phone didn’t even get wet, but I guess it got sand in it, and it’s ruined. Mike is taking it to Verizon today to see if I can get it replaced. My camera was around my neck, but somehow it died, too. Of course, it’s just under 2 weeks out of it’s warranty, so I’m pretty screwed.

When we left the beach, we went to The Crab Shack which was very nice! Very tasty Snow Crab if you ever have the chance to eat there. The kids enjoyed seeing the Alligators and Macaws. When we left, we went back to the beach, but it had gotten much windier and colder. We got back that evening and just relaxed. We got up yesterday morning and I swear that was the best day of the entire trip. I sat out on the back deck in a rocking chair and relaxed, waiting on the in laws to get up. We had packed the night before so everything was ready to go. We stopped at a BP station not too far from Ft McAllister and I got the best cup of coffee that I had ever tasted. I picked up a book (Forever Odd by Dean Koontz) and had almost finished it by the time we got home. The ride home was so much quicker, too! We stopped in Tennesse to get gas, and when we finally found a station that actually had it, Mike bought a lotto ticket just for the heck of it (we hardly ever buy one) and got $100. I was never so happy to be back in Southern Illinois!!! Then when we pulled up, Mike noticed the truck and van both had flat tires and he thought they were slashed (there were some kids doing that not too long ago.) Fortunately, the van was actually fine and he had just ran over a nail in his truck.

So that’s our trip. Not really so much fun, wish it was better. I really tried to have a good time, but it seemed like everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

I am so glad to be home!!

The cottage (up on stilts!):

Early morning view from our cottage:




On top of a mountain in Tennessee:


Aaron got sick on top of that mountain, poor guy!


Waiting for the sun to rise over the bay while sitting on the back deck:




Nick under the cottage (it was on stilts!)


Annie:


Nick & Wall-E


Annie again:


At Bamboo Farm in Georgia


Don’t they look thrilled?


Just seconds before Aaron was swarmed by wasps and stung multiple times:


Me & Dh with Aaron, Nick took the pic!


Dh & Annabelle:


Watching the turtles:








Nick’s ready for bed after partying hard at the wedding reception:


Aaron’s just being plain silly:




Historic Savannah:












Tybee Island, Georgia
The kids’ first time seeing the ocean:










The Crab Shack:

Me with the in-laws:

I just stayed in bed until Mike was ready to leave for work. I was practically in tears at that time, telling him something was wrong. I was worried about the baby. He assured me everything was fine, gave me a kiss and left.

I got up and took a shower. No movement.

I drank a glass of ice water. No movement.

At 10:00, I called my doctor asking if I could come in. They tried to calm my nerves by telling me babies just have sleepy days, don’t worry about it. The triage nurse told me to take a bag of frozen veggies from the freezer and lay it on my belly to get her to move. She said to rub my belly a lot and try to stimulate her.

I massaged my belly. No movement.

I tried frozen peas on my belly for half an hour. Still nothing.

An hour later I called them back and said I still felt nothing. They told me to come in at 1:00. I called Mike at work and asked him to come home to take me to the doctor. He was irritated and said he would see what he could do. I called my Dad to see if he could take me, but he couldn’t. I called Tyrus, and he said he would try to make it.

I waited.

12:45 showed and neither Mike or Tyrus had arrived. I grabbed my bag and locked the house. As I started to walk the 15 or so blocks to the doctor’s office, finally Mike pulled up, with Tyrus behind him. We told Tyrus he could go home and off we went.

We waited.

We were a write-in, so I waited in the waiting room for an hour before I could see my doctor. I finally got in. Hopped up on the exam table and waited to hear that sound coming from the doppler.

Static.

Wait, there’s a heartbeat! My doctor grabbed my wrist, and it matched my pulse. It was just my heartbeat. After a few minutes, nothing but static and my own heartbeat. He made a call to the hospital in Carbondale to get me in for an emergency ultrasound. We left, knowing our hopes and dreams had died.

We got to the hospital, checked in and got back to Imaging. Ultrasound Room #2. This room would bring me bad news later on as well. The ultrasound technician moved the screen so that I could not see it. Everything happened so fast. She took a few pictures and said she would be right back. I sat up, and saw the screen. It had all my information on it, but it was black. It was ominous, foreboding.

She brought a portable phone back into the room and told me that my doctor would call, to answer it when it rings. I did, and at that moment, it was final.

I talked to my doctor, he gave us the news that our baby had died. He told me that I had two options, to be induced that day or wait to go into labor on my own. I had no idea what to do, so I asked him what would be better. He said that it would be easier on my body to wait to go into labor on my own, so I decided on that.

The technician came back into the room, she put her hand on my back as we left the room and told me she was sorry. She pointed us to an exit where we wouldn’t have to go back through the hospital.

We got into our car and just sat there, stunned. How could this have happened? This was the worst news we could ever hear. It was a long, solemn drive home.

We got home and called immediate family members to tell them the news. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t really remember anything past that, we were both in shock.

I did my morning routine, grabbed some DVD’s and started to head out the door. I remember that day so well. I was wearing my One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish short overalls & a maroon tank top. I walked down the street and passed our church. When I got to the corner, I was waiting on traffic to clear so I could cross the street. My pastor pulled up beside me. I gave him a smile and went on my way.

I walked up a few more blocks and dropped the DVD’s in the return slot at Blockbuster, turned around and started to head back home. On my way back I stopped at a convenience store and bought a 32 ounce Dr Pepper. All that walking made me thirsty. I stood at the counter, rubbing my belly while waiting in line.

I walked back home and the rest of the day was like usual. I chatted online, made dinner for DH when he got home. My baby moved a little but by the end of the day she was very quiet. I got a little worried but figured everything was fine. I went to bed that night, not knowing how different my life would be the next day.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mariam’s birthday is coming up, in one month exactly. You might think that it’s just the one day that I might be down, but it’s not. It’s like a two week event that happens each year… or longer. I start to feel sad in August (yes, that’s now) and don’t feel better until late September.

I don’t just feel sad on her birthday. I wish I did.

I felt her move for the last time on September 2. She died on September 3. I was induced on September 8. She was stillborn on September 10. Finally, she was buried on September 15. That’s two full weeks of hell. It’ll never be just one day. Every year, I relive that two week period. I think about what happened on each day, what I did each day. Picking out a name, writing an obituary, things no parent should ever have to do.

I wish it were just one day, but it’s not.

On to other news, September is approaching fast. This is not good. I feel a little more anxious each day, and have started Wellbutrin again. If I know myself, here in about 3 weeks, I’ll probably start to go downhill emotionally and this really does help. I haven’t been to the cemetery since last September, for her birthday. Not Christmas, or even Memorial Day. I just haven’t went. Life has gotten very busy and it’s hard for me to make it over there. I will make time soon. Probably in September. We’ll take her daisies and balloons, as usual. I can’t believe she would have been five this year. How does time slip away like that?

Mom & I painted Annabelle’s new room. It’s pink and purplish-blue. It’s really cute. After it’s done, I’ll post pics. For now it’s a work in progress.

The boys’ birthday party was fun. They had a Buzz Lightyear Pizza Party. I can’t believe they are 4. Seems like yesterday we were fighting to keep them from being born too early.

We’re having a yard sale this weekend to raise money for The MOM Project. We have a ton of stuff… hopefully that will bring in some money! I’m pricing everything super cheap so it moves fast!

Yesterday I had some bloodwork done because I’m still not losing weight, despite trying practically everything short of a gastric bypass. I’m a month out on Alli, and I managed to lose only 2-3 lbs. That’s just not right. I got a TSH done as well as a T3 and T4. They are also doing a complete metabolic test to check my kidneys, liver, glucose and all that good stuff. I should get the results on August 11th - provided I can get my health insurance back by then, it ends on July 31 and I’m scrambling trying to get it reinstated.

Anyway…

I also decided to sell Bittersweet candles again! These really are the best candle around. Book a party with me, and you won’t be let down! I’ll post more details later about hostess specials. I’m waiting on my goods to come in first to get all my ducks in a row. I’m also launching a new site to promote the candles, as well as my bags and other miscellaneous items. Yep, I’m going into business again! Stay tuned for the site!

I got a call from the school the other day. Annie is on a waiting list for pre-k. If thre is an opening for her on her third birthday, then she’ll get in. Her birthday is September 28, and the cutoff for pre-k is September 1. I also got a call from Nick & Aaron’s teachers. They’ll be in the morning class, and they’ll get to ride a bus to school. Much easier for me!

I’ve started sewing again. I haven’t sewn in forever. What got me started was Annabelle needed some nightgowns and can’t believe how much they are for such little fabric! So, I got some lightweight material and made her one. Then I decided to make a bag for myself and that turned out super cute. I may make some more bags to sell. Here’s a pic of it: